As Usual

I knew, today, that I would be getting yet another shipment from Amazon, so I made sure that I would be home between 2:00 and 3:00, which is when the UPS guy tends to stop by. Amazon is doing this thing now where I have to sign for my packages, like somebody in my neighborhood is going to steal my books, when it's obvious to me that I'm the only person who reads around here.

Anyway, I had to do some laundry so that I'd have clothes to wear, and I'd already watched The View (what a horrible show, I hate it), and I couldn't think of anything else to do, so I took a nap. I got up around 1:20 and decided to take a shower. As I was LITERALLY picking up my leg to step into the bathtub, I heard the sound of a giant gas guzzler panting away outside.

"Surely not," I thought, as I know for a FACT that UPS always comes to my house 10 minutes before I get home from school, as a sort of passive-aggressive FU, because they can't leave my books unless I sign for them. Although, retrospectively, arriving just as I was in an awkward situation--should I dress quickly? can I wait until tomorrow?--seems to be the same kind of figurative flipping-off.

I peeped out the window and saw that it was, indeed, the UPS truck, and I began flinging on clothes as quickly as I could, not checking to see if they were on backwards or inside out, which, of course, they were. The doorbell rang and I thundered down the stairs, all stinky and smelling of bed-breath and with my hair all limp and stuck to the side of my face.

I opened the door and reached for my packages and noticed that this was not the UPS guy who'd breezed past me last week, when I'd peered at him with my sad-orphan eyes and held out my hands beseechingly. Nope. Instead, today, I got ... THE HOT ONE*.

And that is what it's like to be me.

*As hot as one CAN be, anyway, while wearing brown shorts and knee-highs.

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