Americano Idol-o

That's how Mirna would say it.

Is this the first Latin Night on AI? I wasn't impressed. Some of those songs, I didn't even know they were considered Latin. Can you just add a brass section or a twelve-string guitar to most songs and make them Latin? Because that's pretty much what I got tonight.

Melinda looked better tonight ... well, she didn't look forty, anyway. I didn't like that song. And, this is probably not a popular opinion, but whatever: she is boring me. I just feel like all her songs are the same, in a way, and she sings them the same, and yaaaaaawn. Maybe SHE should have done Conga.

LaKisha could have worn a better dress. I swear I have seen more boobs on this season of AI (the biggest boob of all is, obviously, Ryan Seacrest) than all the others combined. I did not like this song for LaKisha. I think she could have done Rhythm is Gonna Get You better than Jordin did, but it still wouldn't have been GREAT. Also, even though she moved around, which she never does, I felt that it was done very robotically, and she was giving me the Dead Eyes, like she was saying, "My body is having fun but my mind is STANDING STILL."

Chris was a'ight, dawg. I really, really, REALLY like Rob Thomas singing Smooth, and I did not so much like Chris's version. His voice is not rich enough for that song. Plus, even though Jennifer Lopez took it up a whole step, he should have gone up even further; the beginning of that song was way too low and completely out of his range. He sounded like Froggy.

Haley Scarnato should wear more clothes. Simon was right, in that the only thing that's keeping her on the show is her ability to flash some skin. She was off tempo and out of tune, her voice is not very strong, and she was strutting around like a Pussycat Doll. The skanky one.

Phil needs to go to the doctor. I'm serious, somebody needs to give that boy a blood transfusion or something, because: DANG. As much as people keep saying he has a nice voice, I just haven't heard him showcase it in such a way as to convince ME that he has a nice voice. His technique is quite good, but there's nothing behind it to make me WANT to listen to him; you can almost see the little computer in his brain working throughout the song ("/run human emotion"), and that cannot equal the passion other contestants bring to their songs.

Jordin is my favorite now, having nothing to do with her song and everything to do with her love of 80s music. The song was not good, but it's just not a singer's song; it is mainly about the instrumentation, and as proof I give you my four years of high school band, during which time we played Conga approximately 40396709 times, and nobody ever requested the words.

I do think Blake's performance was the best of the night, and I'm as surprised as anybody. I don't know that song, and don't want to, but I thought he did a good job. I like it when he focuses on his vocals rather than on rearranging a song or incorporating the beatboxing.

Sanjaya. Oh geez. For starters, I will NOT besa you, and second STOP WITH THE HAIR ALREADY (although he did get it cut, I am grateful for that). My television is grossed out by the creepy stalkery looks he kept throwing its way, and I myself am considering taking out a restraining order.

Once again, Simon is my favorite part of the show, and Paula should stop telling people they look good, because we all know that stands for "YOU LAID AN EGG TONIGHT," even the contestants.