I have stayed with you through everything, do you hear me? EVERYTHING. And this is how you repay me?

I know that you are a show with issues. And a show ABOUT issues. But I take issue with the issues that you are issuing, CSI, because:

1. Remember that teacher/counselor who killed the bully?
2. And that other teacher who killed the dean of her fancy private school?
3. And then those high school kids that did drugs and ate each other's guts on the football field? And people were like, "Where were the teachers?"
4. And that creepy ten-year-old high schooler who killed another girl who put up rude pictures of her on MySpace but everybody thought her stupid brother did it? And that science teacher was all, "Oh yeah that boy's no good but I'd totally trust the little genius because SHE'S SPECIAL."

And now, NOW, you have to go and have some sick pedophiliac woman WHO IS A TEACHER be all obsessed with a man-whore sixteen-year-old to the point that she has decorated her STORAGE LOCKER WITH WALL-SIZED POSTERS OF HIM and then she DRAGS HIS DEAD BODY INTO THE STORAGE LOCKER (note to self: get rid of the storage locker) and then PUTS ON A WEDDING DRESS and then KILLS HERSELF SO THEY CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER. OR SOMETHING.

I realize--trust me, I KNOW--that there have been tons of stories all over the news about these psycho teachers who have affairs with their students, and that there is now an Oscar-nominated movie about the same subject, and that the movie is based on a best-selling novel, and that you cannot turn around without Oprah getting all up in teachers' business like we are all pedophiles WHICH WE ARE NOT.

I have stood by you, CSI. I have not always liked the direction you've taken with your characters, and I could do without all this new crap where you show the empty insides of people's heads after an autopsy, and there have been several times you poked people's eyes and I had to deal with some projectile vomiting in my own house, and then you almost killed Nick, and now Sara and Gil are together, which is disgusting and MAYBE A LITTLE LIKE THAT TEACHER WITH HER STUDENT HAVE YOU THOUGHT OF THAT? But I have kept watching and you're Number 2 on my Season Passes and I have not ditched you for Grey's Anatomy even though that is a good show too.

But now I am going to have to do some serious thinking because you have cut me, deep, and I'm not so sure where our relationship is going now.

Maybe we should take a break.

Rachel Green
Mei Flower


Laura said...

Get 'em, girl!

Man, I didn't even know about the preceding affronts to teachery.

There's just something sexy about us seducing our students. SVU, my one time primetime true love, has done that one a couple of times...although no wedding dresses or dead bodies in lockers.

Shannon said...

You couldn't be Rachel Green because you didn't use "your" incorrectly.

Mei said...

Laura, everybody has been jumping on that train. It's really gross.

Shannon, your right.


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