American Idol: Why Do I Watch This Show?

Tonight is Stevie Wonder Night, but really ... on AI, isn't EVERY night Stevie Wonder Night? I would lay a bet that Stevie is probably THE most sung artist on this show, even when he doesn't come in and have sessions with the singers. Ooh, I mean "singers."

Because, frankly, tonight's singing ("singing") was pretty bad. Given the past three weeks' performances, that is saying a lot.

I am, again, only going to talk about what I remember.

First off, I HOPE KEVIN COVAIS' PARENTS GROUND HIM. Do NOT be talking back to Simon like that, young man. Also, never EVER sing "Part-time Lover" again; it was really really creepy and I feel all, like, greasy and dirty. [shudder dance] Finally, for once and for all, no matter how many eight-year-olds love you, YOU ARE NOT A SEX SYMBOL. America is not laughing WITH you, young'un.

Ace: I wish Ace would get over this thing where he thinks he can sing and that he would just sit in a room so I can look at him.

Lisa: Boring. Boringboringboringboringboring. Here's what I was thinking about Lisa tonight: she is a Broadway performer, and you can't really do a lot of ad libs and whatnot when you sing with a company. I think she's gotten used to being one part of a musical cast and is not so comfortable with the solo performances, and maybe that's why she doesn't add a lot of stuff to a song. Maybe she needs to be in character in order to be interesting, in which case, I hope she totally dresses up like the Lion King next week, because that would be awesome.

Taylor: The funniest thing that happened tonight was when Taylor was talking about his song and he said, "It was on the album Blooblahblee which was released in 1974 ..." and there must have been a quick cut in the editing room, so we didn't get to hear the rest of that sentence, which was, "when I was sixteen years old." I still don't like him, I don't care what he sings.

Chris: I liked his song; it didn't sound anything like Stevie Wonder, though. Just how much did the Chili Peppers change it? I do know this, however: this song was featured in an absolutely horrible movie (that I LOVE) called Center Stage, which is about these ballet dancers at a ballet school in New York. And the lead character is tired of people telling her she is dancing wrong, so she goes to a jazz class--I guess--at some little studio, where she meets the ballet school's "bad boy" and after the class she rides home with him on his motorcycle and then they have sex. That's what I thought of while Chris was singing.

The others didn't really make much of an impression tonight, except that I love that Elliot was so excited to meet Stevie Wonder and then he BURST INTO TEARS right there at the piano with him. I love Elliot.

Okay, so we've had Stevie Wonder Night; I guess next week is probably Mariah Carey Night or Whitney Houston Night or Celine Dion Night. Any way you cut it, it's gonna be awful, and I will not be able to keep myself from watching. Crap.