Over the Moon

In the future, when people tell me they want to teach, I am going to tell them this story and see if it changes their minds.

Last Friday, we had the first pep rally of the year. The principal had made some very inspiring announcements during the morning broadcast to the effect of, "If we look around and see people sitting down or looking bored, we just won't have more pep rallies this year."

Ordinarily, I might have skipped the pep rally, because there's something about a crowded gym that makes it very difficult for me to breathe. But I started this new thing this year, where I'm trying to be a Good Teacher, so I did my duty and escorted my students to the gym and climbed up into the sophomore section to make sure nobody was starting riots or giving blowjobs other stuff.

So I'm just standing there, minding my own business and vigorously not participating in the Hey! Cheer, when I glance over to my left, and what do I see?


Yeah, you read that right.

I, the prudiest prude in Prudeland, was the one teacher who saw some stupid sophomore pull down his pants and shove his bare ass in his friends' faces.

Oh, the humanity. How will I ever erase that image from my memory?

AND I TEACH THAT KID. HE IS IN MY CLASS. How's that gonna work out?

As it happened, I was able to catch the kid's friend after he pulled down his jeans but before he pulled down his boxers, which was a mercy, believe me, because if I'd seen THAT kid's butt, there would have been projectile vomiting of Exorcist-like proportions. It would have taken the pep right out of that rally.

So I pulled them out into the hall with an assistant principal and told her the good news. You guys, how embarrassing is it to have to say the word "mooning" to someone old enough to be your mom? Pretty darn embarrassing.

She was horrified, obviously, and I, satisfied that my job was done, went back into the gym to vigorously NOT sing the fight song.

And I am THROUGH with pep rallies.

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