Black Christmas

The hardest person to shop for this year, surprisingly, is my niece, The Beignet. She's almost two, and while she's (obviously) advanced for her age, I don't think she would appreciate the donation to the local animal shelter that everybody else in the family is getting. (SPOILER ALERT!)

I don't know what to buy for an almost-two-year-old. Probably a bottle of margarita mix is out of the question. I asked my parents what they're getting for her, and my mom's getting her [a toy] and my dad's making a contribution to her college fund. So. No help there.

I had to do some research, so I googled "two year old gifts," because I didn't even consider the word toddler. That is how much I don't know about kids!

Anyway, here are some of the things that Google turned up, and I've added my own thoughts for free.

1. Rody Horse


She has a pink horse already, on account of that kid is spoiled. NEXT.







2. Jumbo Inflatable Bowling Ball and Pins



Isn't this just the next generation of the lawn dart? NEXT.










3. Mega Blocks The Wonderful Wizard of Oz



The lowest price I could find for this was still well above $50. And while she's worth the money, my sister Joon would be jealous if I spent more for The B's gift than I did for hers. NEXT.









4. Cook 'n Learn Interactive Kitchen


Even if the price didn't put this entirely out of the running, I would still not buy this for her. Nobody in her house would be able to tell her what to do with it. NEXT.







5. Jump Smart Toddler Trampoline


I'm totally sure Joon (not to mention the rest of the family) (not to mention I MYSELF) wouldn't blame me for The B's untimely demise at the hands (feet?) of a CHILD'S DEATH MAKER. NEXT








6. Bratz Baby



NEXT.

















7. Zippety Teach Me Activity Doll


I like this one, and Joon and I have actually looked for something similar in the toy aisle, which is where we always end up whenever we go shopping. There seem to be multitudes of the boy doll; however, the girl version is DISCONTINUED. Sexism is ageless! NEXT.












8. Little Tikes Electronic Drum Set



I've threatened it since The Beignet was just The Embryo, but I think its time has come. Because, really, here is my opportunity to help The B develop her motor skills, her rhythm, and her love of music and, as a bonus, drive my sister right up a wall.

PERFECT.