There's nothing new to say, unless you'd like to hear all about my fascinating day of sorting through the recycle box ... no? Fine then.
Instead, I am offering up my favorite joke, which I first learned when I was ten. (Even then I liked the morbid humor.) It is completely and totally politically incorrect, so don't say I didn't warn you.
A potato and a carrot were best friends. One day they were walking down the street, when all of a sudden a car came out of nowhere and mowed down the carrot. The potato quickly called an ambulance and followed the carrot to the hospital, where he paced anxiously outside the operating room, waiting for news. The doctor emerged with a somber look on his face.
"Give it to me straight, Doc," the potato said.
The doctor shook his head slowly. "The good news is ... your friend is going to live."
"That's great!" the potato exclaimed, but he noticed that the doctor didn't smile. "Oh no," he said, "what is it?"
The doctor paused, then spoke: "I'm afraid," the doctor said, "that your friend is going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."