Limited Hypotheticals

I got this from a friend, but I am adapting it ... you'll see.

I give you money and send you into the grocery store to pick up 5 items. You can only pick one thing from the following departments ... what is it?

1. Produce: sliced mushrooms
2. Bakery: sourdough bread
3. Meat: turkey slices (for sandwiches)
4. Frozen: some kind of Healthy Choice dinner
5. Dry goods: toilet paper

Let's say we're heading out for a weekend getaway. You're only allowed to bring 3 articles of clothing with you. So, what's in your bag?

Wait, first I have some questions: a). Where am I going? b). Am I going alone? c). Why only three pieces of clothing? I totally have a little suitcase that can fit at least six things. d). If I can only take three items of clothing, am I taking deodorant, toothpaste, or shampoo? Because if not, I don't know if I can enjoy myself on this trip. e). Also, what about my medicine? I have to take that too, or else NOBODY will be having a good time. f). Do these questions make me sound OCD?

1. jeans
2. some sort of shirt that can be dressed up or down
3. clean underwear

I think my weekend getaway is boring.

If I was to listen in on one of your conversations throughout the day, what 5 phrases or words would I be most likely to hear?

1. totally, as in, "I totally use this word, like, thousands of times every day."
2. awesome, as in, "You're just jealous because you wish you were awesome like me."
3. Have you seen/heard it? as in, "It reminds me of this movie, _____, have you seen it?" Like when I was trying to explain catacombs to my English class during our reading of "The Cask of Amontillado," and I said, "It's like this movie, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, have you seen it?" and only two (TWO!!) of them had, so it ruined my explanation.
4. Really? as in, "Soooo ... nobody knows where the verb is in this sentence? Really?"
5. no way, as in, "Do you wanna change a dirty diaper?" NO WAY.

So, what 3 things do you find yourself doing every single day, and if you didn't get to do, you probably wouldn't be in the best mood?

1. taking a shower
2. wearing clothes
3. rolling my eyes. Or just one eye. It depends on the situation.

But these are pretty much givens, right? I mean, wouldn't most people be in a bad mood if they were unclean and naked? I would be in a bad mood, if the dirty-nekkids were around me; in fact, there would be some major eye-rolling on my part if that happened.

If they are givens, then I want to change my answers. Well, two of them:

1. rolling my eyes
2. checking my email
3. brushing my teeth

Sweet, you just scored a whole afternoon to yourself. We're talking a 3 hour block with nobody around. What 5 activities might we find you doing?

duh, what I do every day:

1. read
2. watch tv
3. sleep
4. knit
5. look around on the internet

That is why I stay single.

We're going to the zoo. But, it looks like it could start storming, so it'll have to be a quick visit. What 3 exhibits do we have to get to?

I don't go to zoos. I don't like seeing animals in cages, even if those cages have been designed to look like natural habitats. Also, they stink, and I'm scared of the reptile house.

So I will change this question: We're going to the British Museum, but it looks like your traveling partner is faking a stomachache and insists that you leave in an hour. What three exhibits do you have to see?

As I have lived this particular dilemma, let me tell you what I DID see.

1. Mummies
2. Parthenon frieze (or as I know them, the Elgin Marbles)
3. Rosetta Stone

Then I went back, and I stayed for four hours. OUT OF SPITE. (And maybe because of the mummies.)

You just scored tickets to the taping of any show that comes on t.v. of your choice. You can pick between 4, so what are you deciding between?

1. The Office, which doesn't even tape in front of an audience
2. The Soup, which does.
3. The Price is Right, because PLINKO HERE I COME!.
4. a Kathy Griffin comedy special

You're hungry for ice cream. I'll give you a triple dipper ice cream cone. What 3 flavors can I pile on for ya?

1. Peach
2. Lemon
3. Cookies n Cream

They would be gross all together though.

Somebody stole your purse/wallet…in order to get it back, you have to name 5 things you know are inside to claim it. So, what's in there?

I highly doubt this will happen, on account of I have been prepared for just such an emergency since my paranoid family began warning me against unsavory characters when I was seven ("Remember, robbers need Christmas too!"). I am totally ready to poke an eye out with my car keys, or ram my fist into a nose. Hopefully, neither the eye nor the nose will be my own. Anyway, I can tell you what WON'T be in my purse: MONEY.

1. An iPod with about a billion 80s songs, plus "The Impossible Dream"
2. A cell phone, which probably has a dead battery
3. A blue smiley-face coin purse, stuffed with a jillion pennies
4. A pocket calendar, filled with exciting social occasions such as "in-service" and "rehearsal"
5. Fourteen different types of chapstick

You are at a job fair, and asked what areas you are interested in pursuing a career in. Let's pretend you have every talent and ability to be whatever you wanted, so what 4 careers would be fun for you?

I guess that "careers" implies that I would still be working, which means my first choice, lottery jackpot winner, is off the table.

1. Co-host on one of those shows that makes fun of celebrities and reality television
2. Researcher, like one of the History Detectives, or maybe a genealogist
3. Librarian ... in the Library of Congress
4. Tour guide, maybe in a museum, maybe on one of those bus tours

If you could go back and talk to the old you, when you were in high school, and inform yourself of 4 things, what would you say?

I was thinking about this, and I'm actually kind of happy with my high school self. I'm surprised, because my high school self was pretty dissatisfied. Eh, what does she know?

1. Study harder (you can't study enough)
2. READ THE DIRECTIONS ON THE PSAT, DUMMY, YOU COULD HAVE BEEN A NATIONAL MERIT FINALIST (I still got the highest grade in my high school, though)
3. You're right; all those people you don't like really ARE losers.
4. You will never ever EVER use advanced math, so don't even bother taking the class (even though I dropped it after the first semester. Still, I could have saved myself a lot of stress. Also, there never has been, nor will there ever be a situation in which I will need to know how to make an equation of a hyperbola, and frankly, I don't even know if that's a real math thing or if I made it up).

This is what I would tell my college self, with whom I am far more disappointed:

1. Don't room with your best friend.
2. You don't really want to be in the marching band.
3. Maybe don't skip so many classes.
4. You probably should have [redacted].
5. Remember that time you [redacted]? That was awesome.

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