I went to the ENT today to get the results of my balance tests.

But first, I have to restate that I was referred to this doctor because of my chronic THROAT problem, and he turned it into this giant thing about my ears.

So the first day of my Thanksgiving Break, I had to be at the doctor's office at 8:00 a.m. (I KNOW) to have my equilibrium destroyed, or some such thing. This mostly consisted of me having my ear canals violated and being turned loose into some sort of 1980s War Games Simulation Chamber and something that I'm almost sure was water-boarding.

Anyway, according to the audiologist, I have an inner ear problem. It's in my right ear, to be specific, and may have been caused by a virus, BUT NOBODY KNOWS, and now I have to do exercises.

Exercises! For the ear!

These exercises seem to consist mostly of me sitting still while I move my eyes back and forth, or of my eyes keeping still while I move my head back and forth. Not exactly physically taxing, but still. Exercises.

To be honest, I had been referring to this balance thing as "my alleged inner ear problem," because I was sure that I did not, in fact, have balance issues, and I do, in fact, have a sore throat all the time. But finding out that I actually do have an inner ear problem is not so great either.

Because now all I can think about is my right ear. And thinking about it makes it hurt. And then I start to get dizzy. And then all I can think about is being dizzy, and that makes me even more dizzy, until I can't even hold my head up straight on account of it's flopping around all over the place. And then my eyes feel like they're moving really really fast and I can't focus on anything and when I go to stand up I get that head rush and then I stumble around like I've have a few too many.

Also, the doctor looked at my throat again, but through a different nostril this time, so that makes four orifices that have lost their innocence at the hands of the ENT. And he didn't even buy me a drink.

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