American Idol: Bon Jovi Night

Apparently "rock night" means "sing songs by Bon Jovi." I was unaware that the only band who ever--EVER--sang rock songs was Bon Jovi.

That aside, I love Bon Jovi, at least their first three albums. We had to break up when they stopped using the AquaNet, though. Hair metal is called that for a reason.

Phil - I do not remember ever liking Phil's songs, but I did really like this one ("Blaze of Glory," from a movie I never saw). I thought he sang it really well, actually, and his voice sounded terrific.
However, I was predisposed to dislike Phil tonight, having nothing to do with his singing and everything to do with my former student who came to visit me today who's spent a year in the Army and may be deployed to Iraq soon. I bet my student would jump at the chance to ditch the Army to be on a reality show.

Jordin - She should have sung a ballad, like "Say Goodbye." Or a power ballad, like "I'll Be There for You." She should not, under any circumstances, have attempted "Livin' on a Prayer." I will make like Simon with the analogies: She sounded like the watered down versions of the songs that little girls do in beauty pageants. It was absolutely the worst song she could have chosen, and she did herself no favors. I thought the judges were too soft on her.

LaKisha - I don't know this song at all "This Ain't a Love Song." Apart from my OCD problem with its grammar, I thought it was great. She really laid it out there, and it's the best she's sounded in several weeks.

Blake - No. NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO
You don't tug on Superman's cape, you don't spit into the wind, and you DON'T have beatboxing in "You Give Love a Bad Name." YOU DO NOT.
Simon was right that half the audience would love it and half would hate it. The people who have never heard the song before (that is to say, teenyboppers) will love it, and those of us who have known the song in its perfect original pristineness will hate it. No, not just hate it. We will HHHHHHAAAAAAAAATE it, with the kind of fiery passion that has been known to splinter political parties and break up engagements.

Chris - Though he sounded better tonight than he has in the past, due to the decreased amount of nasality in his voice, Chris should have sung a different song. I don't know what song, maybe "Bad Medicine" or "Runaway" or "Born to Be My Baby" but not "Wanted Dead or Alive."
I don't watch MTV, but I know, from having watched Best Week Ever, that they have this dating show where, when the main contestant decides she doesn't like her date, she goes, "Next!" and the current date is replaced with an improved model. That's how I feel about Chris: Next!

Melinda - I feel a little bit Next! about Melinda, too. I do not know the song she sang at all, because it was released after 1995, apparently, but I didn't care for it, and I didn't care for it coming from her. She was a lot like Tina Turner, as the judges pointed out, but I didn't want to see Tina Turner on Bon Jovi Night. I think SHE should have sung "You Give Love a Bad Name" or, if she really wanted to turn it out, she should have sung "Lay Your Hands on Me," which could be just as much a church song as the one she sang.

I really thought tonight would be better. Also, I am mad that there were 30 minutes of singing and 30 minutes of commercials. Gimme a break, American Idol. Not that I WATCHED the commercials, obviously, on account of the Tivo, but still. An hour-long show should have at least 44 minutes of relevant content.