Edging In

As my niece's due date draws ever closer, I find myself becoming increasingly worried about a very important issue:

WHEN AM I GONNA GET TO SEE THAT BABY??

Because, and I don't know if this is normal or what, my mother and Joon's mother-in-law are so excited about being grandmothers that I KNOW they are gonna be circling the kid like vultures, pouncing on her and stealing her away the very moment Joon lets go. If I don't take drastic measures, I am going to lose out on all that cute baby stuff, and I won't even get a look at her until she is twenty-two years old.

To that end, I had this conversation with Joon last night.

Me: [whispering] Joon, let me be the first one to hold the Beignet.
Joon: [who is slow] Um, I think I will be the first one, thank you.
Me: Kkhhhhuuhhhh. I meant AFTER you.
Joon: [who is even slower] I think Mister Joon is going to be next.
Me: [rolling eyes] I KNOW. I mean AFTER that.
Joon: [who is like a freaking turtle] Well the nurse has to have her to clean her up.
Me: [giving up on being subtle] JOON!!! I MEAN LET ME HOLD THE KID BEFORE THE GRANDMOTHERS GET TO HER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.

(Joon's pregnancy brain does her no favors, for reals.)

BUT! I do have her tacit approval to be the first second thi FIRST FAMILY MEMBER to get my hands on the kid. Ha HA! Suck it, grandmas!*


*Obviously, I don't mean "suck it," Mother. I am well aware that you carried me for nine months and were in labor for sixty-one hours or something, trying to bring me into this world, and I should respect your age and your wisdom and honor my parents, or whatever, and ordinarily I would, but these are special circumstances, you have to admit, so I feel compelled to remind you of one small but important detail: I'M STILL FIRST.