Baby Stuff

This weekend I attended the fifth and sixth of Joon's baby showers. Yes, FIFTH and SIXTH.

Obviously I had to do a little shopping before I went, and while shopping, I saw things both wonderful and horrible.

First, I went to Target, where I was innocently looking at pacifiers when I was suddenly confronted with this:














A BREAST PUMP. I totally realize how some mothers feed their children, but I, as a single (by choice) and childless (by choice) female of a certain age, who does not necessarily want to see certain things, definitely am horrified by this whole idea.

I almost tossed my cookies right there, but then:













Yeah, you can't see it, but on the front of the box it says something like, "for dried, cracked nipples."

!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, I almost had a nervous breakdown right in the middle of Aisle N17. Also? As if I needed further convincing, I am TOTALLY not having kids.

After I bought a gift at Target, I headed over to Macys to find some clothes, although Joon's nursery closet is filled to the brim with clothes already. Still, baby clothes are cute, y'all, and I may recoil in fear at the sight of a postnatal feeding apparatus, but even I am bowled over by cute little fluffy dresses.

Like this one:



















I was making a conscious effort not to buy pink clothes, because most of Joon's baby clothes are pink. And when I saw this dress, I loved it immediately.

Ralph Lauren thinks it's pretty great too:














I was not about to spend that much on a dress that could be worn only for a few months, even if it was cute. So I poked around some more and came across these:
















Sometimes I just do not understand other people's thinking. I find it HIGHLY inappropriate to have STUD and HOTTIE written on baby clothes, even if it's meant ironically. Did no one say to the designer, "Um ... you know those creepy guys who go to little kids' beauty pageants? Are you one of them?" Because that's what I would say, in my head if not aloud.

Then there are the people who will put just anything on a hanger. I have never designed clothes, but I do watch What Not to Wear on a pretty regular basis. Plus, I am not blind. So I think that qualifies me to be critical of certain items of clothing. Like these:

















When I saw this, I toyed with the idea of getting it for Joon. Because if I know my sister--and we have been related for almost thirty years now--she would smile at me, write me a thank you card, go home, and put it in the Goodwill pile. Because there is no way in the world she would put this on her child.



















With this one, it's not so much the design as it is the colors that are all wrong. It makes my eyes water.















I don't know. I just don't know. It's like a jacket for one of those girls who pretends not to be able to ski so she can get lessons from the hot instructor, and then when the lesson is over she goes to the lodge and winds up on Girls Gone Wild. Only for a nine month old.

I bought a blue-green romper and a green romper, both in excellent taste, but less than $55.00. I'm sure it's not my last clothing purchase for the Beignet, which means it's probably not my last critique of the ugly stuff people sell in stores.