10.17.2006

Sociology RHS101

During today's afternoon bus duty, I had a chance to observe the Typical Adolescent High School-aged Female in its native habitat.

I became aware, as I waited (impatiently) for the buses to spirit away the little darlings, that I was observing a ritual that often goes unnoticed by disinterested adults.

Specifically, the TAHSF Mating Dance.

TAHSFs don't all have the same taste in dance music, if you know what I mean, and I realized that there each TAHSF has her own methods of attracting the Typical Adolescent High School-aged Male.

1. The Dance of Aggression
In this ritual, the TAHSF will often berate the male with jeers and shouts, sometimes middle-naming him, when possible: "James Allen Norman! You stupid jerk!" and so on. The male is confused; she's paying attention to him, but her words indicate disinterest, even dislike. He walks away, only to have her scream, "Come back here when I'm talking to you!" The TAHSF follows directions, because he is frightened.
Conclusion: This tactic rarely works, and it is annoying because SHE IS SO FREAKING LOUD.

2. The Dance of Notable Disinterest
In this ritual, the TAHSF will go out of her way to show the male that she does not like him, that he is, in fact, beneath her notice. She will stand right next to him and stare fixedly ahead, all the while desperately hoping for his attention. Should the TAHSM attempt to make conversation, she will ignore him, or if the occasion calls for it, express surprise that he is even there. The male is confused; she has been obvious in her efforts to enter his circle of awareness, but acts as if she doesn't want to be there.
Conclusion: This tactic rarely works, because the TAHSM adores being adored, NOT ignored.

3. The Dance of Fleeting Glances
In this ritual, the TAHSF and TAHSM will often be separated by a great distance. She will look at him longingly when he is focused on something else, and then will turn her head quickly if he happens to gaze her way. In return, HE will stare at her, mouth wide open, with furrowed brow and relentless fascination, until she glances his way and then he looks up at the sky as if it were emblazoned with the Colonel's Secret Recipe. Both the female and the male are confused; each thinks the other isn't aware of their love, because they are never looking at each other at the same time.
Conclusion: This tactic rarely works, but it does often end in whiplash and perhaps a touch of ADD, since neither concentrates on the object of affection for an extended period of time.

4. The Dance Around
In this ritual, the TAHSF will be very active in proximity to the intended victim target, showing her athletic prowess by chasing her friends across the sidewalk, her compassion by stopping to ask a lonely freshman, "What's wrong?", her intelligence by prominently displaying her graded test papers, and her availability by screeching, "NO I AIN'T GOT A BOYFRIEND!" The male, for once, is NOT confused, but unfortunately, he is also not interested.
Conclusion: You look dumb when you do that, honey.

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This list in no way encompasses the variety of dances performed by the Typical Adolescent High School-aged Female. But my observation time was limited, since I only had bus duty for 45 minutes.

3 comments:

Jenn said...

Ok now that cracked me up. I soooooo see myself in some of the examples. Well, I had better grammer, but the sentiment was the same.

lorinda said...

Not a whole lot different than the TSMAF (typical single middle-aged female). I'm laughing at seeing myself in these.

Mei said...

Unfortunately, I'm all too familiar with each of these, having performed them myself at one time or another. It makes me glad I'm a grown-up.

 

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