Crapped Out

My reading classes have about 80 stories to choose from when it comes to their assignments. One that is very popular--especially with the boys--is about how the French used stink bombs against the Germans during WWII. The French soldiers mixed up these chemicals that simulated the smell of a rotting corpse (I KNOW)and put it in perfume bottles when they went out to attack.

The coordinating writing assignment tells the reader to write a letter to someone and talk about a smell that they remember vividly. It can be a good smell or a bad smell, but they have to describe it to the person and tell why it's such a strong memory.

So today I was looking over this assignment from one of my kids, and ... well, you just have to read it:

Dear Aunt xxxx,
I am exited that your coming to see us at our house. Guess what I got a new colon. It is really stinky, but I like it anyway.

Since I am who I am, I have some questions.

1. Can they really do colon transplants? Theoretically, I suppose it's possible, but I don't know if I've ever heard of one. Maybe they will do one on House (my one shot stop for medical info, and I don't care if it's not real).

2. Who donated that colon? Like, are there requirements? Maybe you have to eat a lot of fiber to be a colon donor. And prunes.

3. What's it smell like? Really, this one is burning a hole in my brain. Does a colon smell like what's inside it? Maybe it's like when you let the milk go bad in the refrigerator, only you can't smell it until you take off the cap; maybe the colon is like the Ziploc bag of the gastrointestinal tract. (which, by the way, should totally be its slogan. Maybe there would be more procotologists if it had a snappy little description like that. I offer it freely to the Society of Proctological Recruitment.)

4. What are the circumstances that require a fourteen-year-old boy to need a colon transplant? Serious cancerous diseases aside, all I can think of is that he ... erm ... wore the crap out of it. (Thank you! Good night!)


schrodinger said...

Totally friggin' bizarre. Those teens eh?

Anonymous said...

Nothing bizarre about it... please tell me I'm not the only one who realizes that the teen just doesn't know how to spell cologne.

Lady S said...

Oh my gawd. I am laughing so hard it is difficult to type. That was too funny. colon....haha...colon

and dear me, did the child actual write enough to get credit?

Darrell said...

That is just too funny. My wife is also a high school teacher, and I just love some of the stories she comes home with.

Love your blog!

Mei said...

Schrodinger and anon, I love how spelling errors can turn a message into something entirely different.
Lady S, basically, the kids have to give me their writing assignments before they can have their reading conference with me. I tell them it's their "ticket to read." Right now, as freshmen, they need to learn how to think for themselves; the reading program is designed to model good writing for them.
Thanks Darrel!


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