Long-haired Freaky People Need Not Apply ... and Other Signs

I passed by a Metro Country school today on my way into town. The sign in front read


I think that a publicly-funded institution of education should do a better job than that.

On the other hand, the Randomville High Class of 198something donated a sign to the school. It's worked in metal, each letter individually shaped and then welded to iron bars--very decorative. Except that somebody broke the - off the G in HIGH, so the sign (given the ambiguous appearance of block lettering) now says


In twenty years, no one has thought to fix the sign. I don't know what that says about us.

There's a store in the city that my sister Joon hates. She's never been there, but just mentioning the name will send her into such a fit that I do it sometimes because I'm bored. It's not that the store is so objectionable in and of itself, but the sign in front reads


"Does 'today' belong to the chair?" Joon fumes. "Do they mean 'the chair IS today?'" We Flowers tend to be a little OCD about apostrophes; I, for example, hate it when people address things to The Flower's, or to Flower's Family. I can't concentrate on anything else for the rest of the day.

Now that the Fourth of July is coming up, the fireworks salesmen are cropping up all over the place.


screams a sign in front of one of the neon-colored circus tents. I'm not quite sure how to interpret that. I'm almost positive that it's NOT dirty ... but you never know.

When I lived in Capital City, I almost had an accident one day as I drove past Walgreens.


the sign proclaimed. And even though I knew that the store was advertising that gross hair-removal goo (that you could eat, if you were so inclined), I still heard a Beavis chuckle inside my head, as a Butthead voice chimed in: "They said, 'Nads'!"

One summer my sister Joon and I both worked at WalMart. We had to work on opposite sides of the store (to keep us from ... stealing cigarettes?), but we did get to take our breaks together. We went through the Employees Only door in the back of the store and stopped short as we saw this:


Maybe it was the fumes from the cleaning fluid, or some form of dementia brought on by extreme hunger, or maybe Joon and I are just giant nerds who fixate on tiny things like punctuating sentence fragments. In any case, we looked at each other and burst out laughing and said, "Breakroom closed! For cleaning!" in the tone of voice one uses when one is pretending to be a cheerleader (even if one was never actually a cheerleader, but was, instead, in the marching band). We had a huge discussion during our 24 minute lunch about how excited someone must have been about closing the breakroom! to clean it!

To this day, we will quote that sign and giggle to ourselves, and nobody around us has any idea what we're doing, not that that's such an uncommon thing, now that I think about it.

*Title from the song "Signs" by Five Man Electrical Band (or Tesla, for me).

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