Martha Stewart said [whisper] "pissed" on her show.

It gave me about the same sense of horrified awe that I had when I was 19 and went to a Renaissance Fair (I did not wear a costume; give me SOME credit, please) and this "character," Rufus, who was probably mentally unstable in real life as well, followed me around all day and like, hid behind trees and jumped out at me and in general scared the mess out of me and made me question my interest in the Renaissance as a whole.
Anyway, at the end of the day, all the people at the fair were gathered around this castle-thing, and Rufus came up to me and was all, "I want to apologize," and I was TOTALLY not going to let him, because if there's one thing the Flowers are good at, it's holding a grudge, and I didn't want to tarnish the family image, but I was soft-hearted back then, and also had not been exposed to the mindbending cynicism that comes from teaching high school, so I relented.

Rufus took my hand and knelt on the ground and began spouting some nonsense about who-knows-what: "Your eyes, my lady, are the blue of the sky. I worship your beauty ..." and blahblahblah.

I was buying it, so he kept talking. And then he bent down to kiss my hand, and I'm like, "Awwww," until HE SPIT OUT A GIANT WORM OVER MY HAND.

And that's kind of what it was like to hear Martha curse.

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