More Fun at the Flowers'

We had a cookout at my parents' house today. We gorged ourselves on ribs and kielbasa, then had a game of catch in the backyard.

(Incidentally, my parents' house is guarded by about twelve million spiders who have set up their webs around the perimeter. The doorbell is inaccessible, thanks to a huge spider the size of my hand, whom my mother has dubbed "Charlotte." I won't even go in the front door anymore; I only go in through the garage, and when the spiders take over THAT, I might have to insist on meeting at McDonalds).

So I couldn't find my softball glove, since I haven't actually seen it since I graduated from college, and that was seven years ago. I don't even know if I still have it. Man, that was a good glove. We bought it for eight dollars, because one of the laces was untied, and then we went home and tied the laces and it was perfect.

Everyone else, of course, had their gloves, but I couldn't share because I'm left-handed, like, EXTREMELY left-handed, and I didn't want to embarrass myself. Except that my family has seen me in many MANY embarrassing situations, so what's my problems?


So Joon's Lil Darlin' and I watched all the fun and frolicking until we could hardly stand it anymore.

My dad looked over at our poor forlorn selves on the porch and said, "Sorry, no lefties allowed!"

"My people," I replied, "have long since been used to being treated like outcasts by society." But he laughed and knocked over my soapbox with a well-timed burp.

The family played a version of HORSE, and Joon lost first. I'm sure she will blame it on pregnancy, as she does everything else. "I can't set the table; I'm pregnant." "I can't eat the sausage; I'm pregnant." "I can't rearrange the chairs; I'm pregnant." "I can't help being super-annoying; I'm pregnant." And there you go.

I put on Joon's glove and joined everyone in the yard, determined not to be left out of the fun. The glove felt weird on my hand. I can catch pretty well, but the throwing, oh, the throwing! I'm gonna presume that you've seen The Sandlot? With that boy who has the hat with the huuuuge bill, and he can't throw worth a flip? That was me. Usually, I can fire off a ball with a fair amount of speed, but it's hard to do that when you can't even remember how your feet are supposed to be when you throw. I had to do everything backwards, and I felt like I was pulling my arm out of my socket when I threw. We all had a good laugh at my expense, and in my head I said, "Don't be a goofus! DON'T BE A GOOFUS!" (from the movie, remember?)

Eventually, everyone got HORSE except my dad and me, and I had given up on my right hand and just started pulling off the glove after every catch. My dad is not one to give others an advantage; he would throw the ball back as soon as he'd caught it, and I barely had time to put my glove back on. One time I didn't even bother, and just held it open with both hands; I did not make the catch.

We were getting tired, and it was time for dessert, so my dad said, "Okay, here's the last one. If you don't catch this, you have to dig up a worm and put it in your mouth and spit out everything but its intestines." (This goes back to a game he invented when we lived in an Army Depot with fifty kids; the game is called Whoever Misses This, and it's sort of like S-P-R-I-T-E, in that a name is called, and that person has to catch the ball, and then try to hit someone else with it. Except that whoever winds up with the ball has to come up with something really gross and disgusting, like "Whoever misses this is a dead skunk that was squashed flat in the middle of the road and has been there for six days with its eyeballs next to its head and its guts all red and soupy around it," to give you incentive not to miss. sigh What an awesome game).

He threw the ball way high up in the air, and I put my glove out to catch it, and of course, of COURSE, on the very last throw of the day, I tried to catch a fast-moving fly ball WITH MY WRIST.

Because I'm Mei Flower and that's what I do.

P.S. I ate ice cream instead of a worm. I got a pass since I was put on the DL.