4.28.2011

Self-Improvement

I've written before about my weight loss.  Here's a visual aid:


Left:  Italy, June 2009
Right: Nashville, December 2010

I didn't really start concentrating on losing weight until last March.  In a little over a year, I've lost 65-70 pounds (it's fluctuating right now; the ice cream I ate for dinner doesn't help).

I started exercising this month.  I joined a gym and everything.

... I KNOW.

I'm having a hard time not being a Fat Girl.  Like, I can look in a mirror and not recognize my own reflection.  Obviously my body looks different, but my face!  My face does not look familiar to me.

Sometimes I open my picture folder and stare at the photos, searching for the image I have of myself.  Sometimes I find it, and sometimes I don't.  It's so WEIRD, acknowledging this shift between perception and reality.  And there's a little bit of mourning, too, because I didn't realize that I was changing this much, and I didn't have a chance to adjust because it seemed to come out of nowhere.

I feel like ... I feel like I'm in witness protection, almost.  Like the past 7-8 years--the years I got fat and stayed that way--have been erased and I'm starting with nothing.  I honestly don't know how to move forward.

So.  This was depressing.  Here, have a cat.

4 comments:

Jude said...

I'm 56, so I can say that aging works pretty much the same way. Where's the you that was? Invisible outside, but still there inside. I know a person who lost a lot of weight, and her house is filled with photos of the earlier fat her, perhaps to inspire her to keep exercising. But to casual visitors, it's a little creepy. I can't do gyms. I have agoraphobia, so I walk 3 to 4 miles every morning between 4 and 6 a.m. It's nicer not to be overweight.

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Olson Seth said...

I have so much respect for people who come to the realization of the difference between perception and reality and actually take action. This process might be long and daunting but don't forget your inner why. For me, my why is the only factor that pushes me forward when I feel depressed. Or like you posted a cat picture will do it too. As an event planner and personal coach, I get to work with a lot of brides who want to lose weight. I think your blog should be on every brides' wedding checklist for inspiration. Also, here is a free event planning software to help you plan your next event!

 

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