I went to school yesterday and today to get my room in order. Once again, we'll have one day of in-service before the kids show up for registration, and I hate it when students see my unprepared classroom. It feels like they've walked in on me in the bathroom.

The start of school (well, the "professional" "development" phase, anyway) is still two weeks away, but I felt a pressing need to get this out of the way so I could spend the rest of my vacation NOT thinking about school.

Pretty much my favorite thing about a new school year is buying new borders for my bulletin boards. I could spend hours looking at the litle turn-y things holding those border bundles--and I have. It takes a while to find one that sparks, and then I spend more hours looking for coordinating charts and paper. It's like Christmas shopping times 1000.

I totally lucked out this year. Check this awesome stuff:

Egypt, you guys! EGYYYYYYYYYYYYPPPPPPT. You know how I am about that.

After I get all the boards covered, I like to think about classroom rules. My real classroom rules are fairly generic and nonspecific, stuff like, "Respect others," or whatever. Students don't pay attention to those rules, and they are mainly there to satisfy the administrative directive about posting classroom rules.

(In real life, my classroom rule is more along the lines of, "Because I said so," but SOME PEOPLE don't think that's good enough.)

To get my year off to a good start, I like to post rules that I wish were allowed, but are not because I might hurt somebody's wittle feewings*. These rules are purely for my own amusement, and I take them down before anybody under the age of 22 sets foot in my room.

This year, I only have one rule:

I mean, really, is that too much to ask? (Apparently it is.)

We also have to post our consequences for breaking the rules, and these too follow a general outline:
1. warning
2. [some punishment]
3. parent contact
4. office referral.

Again, they're fairly useless, since my preferred consequence is a death glare, but I can't exactly write that on a poster, now, can I?

So I was thinking about consequences today, and I heard a little voice in my head. It sounded like this:


I have to tell you that, in all honesty, I feel like this about six million times a day. I mean, sometimes I feel like the kids are actively FIGHTING KNOWLEDGE, like it's a cage match or something, and they are trying to punch Knowledge in the neck, and why do I need to be around for that?

Also, if there were such a thing as the Eric Cartman Guide to Classroom Management, I would snap that thing up in .019 seconds.

*I promise I don't make children cry. They make ME cry, sometimes, but I say a lot of stuff--A LOT OF STUFF--inside my head that never makes it out of my mouth.

1 comment:

J said...

HA! those rules crack me up! and hey, any teacher worth his/her salt relies on a good death glare...and if admin comes around, you can tell them about using nonverbal cues! :)

holy cow, eric cartman would be an AWESOME presenter at PD sessions! imagine--one you'd actually stay awake and pay attention to! :)


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