Why You Don't Want to Teach Freshmen

It's the first day of exams, the last day I will have to see the criminals innocent babies in my first period class.

This class has three things wrong with it. I will call these things Larry, Curly, and Moe.

Moe is not so bad when the other two aren't there. He's relatively smart, bookwise, but he should apply himself to his schoolwork the same way he does to masturbating in the bathroom (true story).

Curly did not show up for his exam. I think Curly is either permanently high or terminally stupid; the signs are so similar.

Larry is a jerk. No, he is. He thinks he's awesome and believes he should be given advantages, for what, I don't know.

Between them, these three stooges have amassed a spectacular sheaf of office referrals numbering in the triple digits. Yet they were not sent to alternative school for even one day.

Because Curly was not in class today, Moe passed his exam. That's how their dynamic works.

Larry did not take his exam in my room, and here's why.

First of all, he came in to drop his bag at his desk before heading out to who-knows-where before the first bell. One of my female students said something to him--I don't remember what--and he said, "Oooh, sexy beast," in a really creepy voice before walking out of the room.

"You need to report that," I told the girl.

"No, I don't want to get anybody in trouble," she said, looking down at her desk.

"If you let him get away with it once, he'll think it's okay to talk to people like that," I said, mentally hoisting my Feminist Flag.

And maybe I overreacted to that comment a little, except that I really, REALLY don't like that kid.

Later, once class started and I got ready to pass out exams, Larry asked if he could wear his hat.

"No," I said. "The dress code still applies."

"But I feel naked without my hat," he said, as if he hadn't spent the previous 176 days in my room completely hatless.

"NO," I said. "Be quiet."

"Ms. Flower," he simpered, "do you want me to be naked?"

With dignity and grace, I turned to him and calmly said, "Get out."

"What'd I say?"

"GET. OUT." with clenched teeth. "I don't even want to LOOK at you right now."

This is why I drink.


Obviously, I reported him, and he will spend the remainder of the week in ISP.

Still, I have questions: 1) Who thinks it's all right to talk like that in school, which is, essentially, a place of business, and requires a certain level of professionalism? and 2) Who thinks it's all right to talk to a TEACHER like that?

Finally--and this is the most important question of all--WHY does a student who's been written up for THIS EXACT BEHAVIOR upwards of thirty times get to stay in the general student population? What is the point of having an alternative school if no one goes there? And why should I bother writing a kid up if all he's going to get is two hours of detention?

There is something desperately wrong with this picture.


Farrel said...

You should have said, "No, I don't want you to be naked in class. All the girls would laugh at your wee-wee." (That's prolly what I would have said.) Now you see why I think there should be a law requiring prospective parents to pass some sort of test before they are allowed to procreate. :)

kandiapple said...

We have a major problem with follow through on the rules at my elementary school as well. Why are there rules if there are no consequences for breaking them? It drives me to drink as well.

Shannon said...

We have had the same problem over at our school. Remind me to tell y'all about it Friday.


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