Fine, I read it. Don't judge me.
Bella moves out to the sticks because she's sooooo unselfish and she's making a huuuuuuuuge sacrifice so her mom can be happy. She meets the MOST BEAUTIFUL BOY IN THE WORLD (seriously, it was made very clear--OVER AND OVER AGAIN--that Edward was beautiful) and falls in love with him.
Except--uh oh!--he's a vampire. And rather than have a rational fear of, you know, an immortal monster who tells her flat out that he can't guarantee he won't kill her, she's all, "Hey, that's cool. Oh, and by the way, I love you."
The book depends more on dialogue than action. Sure, there's some plot movement, but there's a lot of talking. A LOT. The main external conflict doesn't come until the last third of the book, it's resolved quickly, and then there's more talking. I wonder how that's going to translate to film.
To my surprise, I liked the story. I KNOW.
However, the writing sometimes got in the way. I'd be rolling along, getting really interested, and BAM. I'd read a word or phrase or sentence that jarred me right out of it. It was like running headlong into a plate-glass window. I'd be dazed for a couple seconds, and I'd look up, like "Really?!?" and then I'd sigh and shake my head and get back to business.
Meyer is definitely a fan of the thesaurus. Sheesh.
Her favorite word is anguish, in all its forms, including anguishing (as an adjective), which ... no.
The emphasis Bella and her (non-vampire) friends placed on insignificant things reminded me that teenagers react in extremes; they rarely have a middle-of-the-road opinion. And Meyer got that right with her characters: something is either heavenly or (ugh) anguishing.
She also nails the teenage girl's tendency to overanalyze EVERYTHING. I can remember thousands of conversations my friends and I had that all shared the same thesis: What Did He Mean When He _____?
Finally, holy smokes! I get it, Bella's clumsy! Thanks for the TEN THOUSAND reminders.
I held out as long as I could, but I sold out for Cedric Diggory (Robert Pattinson) because: humina humina.