You Have the Right to Remain Silent

So I'm driving towards home today, and I notice a police car up ahead. Of course I automatically slow down, even though that puts me at five miles UNDER the speed limit; it's totally involuntary, and you do it too. Anyway, he's on this little side street, about to pull out onto the "main drag," which is what we call the itty-bitty street that runs through the center of town, and I notice that HE DOES NOT COME TO A COMPLETE STOP AT THE STOP SIGN.

Ordinarily, I'd probably give the guy a pass, because I'm all supportive of law enforcement and stuff. But I will tell you that I am a little less lenient on account of I myself was given a ticket in December for rolling through a stop sign as I was turning off the highway at 10:30 p.m. after spending all day at school and then attending a play rehearsal. And that cop did not even turn his lights on for a mile-and-a-half, AND I was directly across the street from my house when he pulled me over.

It's not that I'm excusing myself or anything, but I would just like to put it out there that some people get off with a warning, like ten times or so, and other people--like me--get a ticket all four times a policeman takes notice. I just think it is very rude of people to move in from Ohio and start handing out tickets. Oh yes, because I am EXACTLY the type of person who not only gets a citation, but also is subjected to the policeman's life story, being a captive audience and all. OOH! Those Yankees know how to twist the knife!

So today as I was following that hypocrite police officer--just because there's ONE ROAD, not for any nefarious reasons--I recalled the single episode of Andy Griffith that I remember. The one where Barney Fife made an illegal u-turn and Gomer Pyle ran after his squad car yelling, "Seat-uh-senz uh-ray-est! Seat-uh-senz uh-ray-est!" And Barney had to spend the night in jail and he was really mad at Gomer, of course, and in the end he went by to talk to Gomer and then made another illegal u-turn and Gomer Pyle Citizen's Arrested him again. And ever since I saw that episode, I've wanted to make a citizen's arrest myself, and I certainly had the perfect opportunity this afternoon, let me tell you.

But I am a chicken. And I'm pretty sure that officer hasn't told me about his formative years in the Corn Growers Club or that time he was trapped in a coal mine for six days--WOW! I do not know ANYTHING about Ohio!--and there is only so much one person can take.

I think I will, however, memorize the Miranda Warning. You know ... just in case.