Travelogue, Part One:

Plane Thoughts, Randomly Written on an Eight Hour Flight

The taste of dried apples on my tongue,
Rush beats out of my headphones.
I fill out my landing card,
And I am bored out of my freaking mind.

All day air travel = SNORE

****

I have been awake for 32 hours.
Last minute cleaning,
In-service,
And play rehearsal
Have contributed to my insomnia,
But the truth is ...
I probably wouldn't
Have been able to sleep
Anyway.

I'M ON MY WAY TO LONDON!

****

Back home,
The sorry suckers at school
Are PAYING MONEY
To go to a pep rally
And trying not to go deaf
As the band plays "Hey!"
For the seven thousandth time.
But I--
I am two hours out of my favorite place
In the world,
Close to Iceland
But not over it,
And my sister's name is on the screen
In front of me,
As we will soon be passing over
A town with her name.

****

My head swivels left and right,
And my knitting needles are poised and ready:
I'm pretty sure,
If some idiot starts threatening folks
With a box cutter,
That I could stab him in the eye
With a size 1 dpm.
I would hate to do it, though,
Because it would mess up my yarn.

****

I've finished one book and started another,
Knit two (2) rows of something
That I will end up frogging later,
Watched two (2) episodes of CSI:NY--
Which I never watch at home--
One episode of Arrested Development
(I've seen it before),
And one of Everybody Hates Chris
(ditto).

I draw the line at Two and a Half Men.

****

I'm hungry.

****

It's dark outside
And I can't see anything.
Also, I'm sitting on a wing,
So I wouldn't be able to see anything
Anyway.
So take-off was kind of
A letdown,
Which I soon got over, because
GUESS WHERE I'M GOING.

****

Aerosmith is bursting my eardrums
(it's the only way to listen to them)
And I'm trying not to think
Of how much I have to pee.
My grandma Grace could travel--
Between continents--
Without ever facing the horrors of an airplane
Bathroom,
And ...
I'd kind of like to avoid that, myself
If possible.

Dang it.
I shouldn't have brought it up.

****

There was some excitement earlier,
near Greenland,
When a flight attendant asked us
For a physician.
I don't know who needed
MEDICAL ATTENTION,
But I know the reality wouldn't be
As awesome as what I've imagined anyway.
(Remember? In Airplane?
When Julie Hagerty is singing
to the sick kid and
her guitar neck keeps
knocking the kid's IV or breathing tube
Out?
TOTALLY what I'm seeing.
But probably some toddler
stuck an M&M up his nose.)

****

I have just realized that,
To the best of my knowledge,
There are no emm-effing snakes
On this emm-effing plane.

****

The guy behind me
Asked the flight attendant for water.
He used a British accent,
But I think it's fake.
I just want to turn around and say,
"Sir, you are from Kenosha."

****

It's been twelve hours since
I last brushed my teeth.

I can totally tell.