How do you get to Carnegie Hall?*

The little boy who plays Ralphie has about half his lines memorized. I have ... I don't wanna talk about it.

Tonight was our first rehearsal on the stage. There's a part where the dad and I are supposed to sink to our knees (" ... it was ... soap ... poisoning!") and as I was fixing to kneel down, I saw a giant glob of gum just inches away from where I would have landed.

I do not understand people. Like, I can't REMEMBER the number of times I went to say a line and then PLOP, my gum fell out onto the stage and I DIDN'T PICK IT UP.

I don't know how to act like a mother, so mostly I just act annoyed. I figure it's pretty much the same thing.

Though most of the good lines from the movie are in the play, they took out my favorite one: "My kid brother looked like a tick about to pop."

The director told the kid who plays Randy to pretend to pick his nose while we're waiting in the car for Ralphie and the dad to change a tire (" ... ohhhhhhhhhhhh fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuudge ..."). She didn't tell me to do this--I made an executive decision--but I looked disgusted and pulled his finger out of his nose. I think that's in character. Well, it's in character for ME, Mei Flower. Randy's mother might not be so grossed out.

We've yet to have all the actors be at rehearsal at the same time, and it's not going to get any better, as I am going to be gone all next week on my Very Important Trip. We're going off book after that week, which means I'm probably going to have to spend a significant amount of vacationtime running lines. I'm sure that'll happen.

I'm supposed to write a short bio to go in the program, but I'm having trouble with it, because I don't want to say too much, but I don't want to say too little.

First Attempt:
Mei Flower doesn't want to tell you anything.

Too mean?


Second Attempt:
Mei Flower is a teacher at Randomville High School, where she "acts" like a responsible grown-up person all day, har har.


Too cheesy.


Third Attempt:
Mei Flower hates small talk, cleaning the toilet, and when strangers walk up and hug her. She is a single mom to Lulu, age seven. Next spring she is going to marry her Tivo. You are not invited to the wedding, because you might judge her.

GAH! Still mean!
Okay, here it is.

Final attempt:
Mei Flower is bad at writing these things. She teaches at Randomville High School, and she will be tenured after this year, so look for Angels in America, coming next fall to a cafeteria stage near you.

I guess that'll do.

*practice, practice, practice