Nursery Tales

Today was my Sunday to work in the church nursery.

For whatever reason, when I volunteer at church, I steer clear of the teenagers. Maybe because I am with them all week, but you'd think I'd go where I'm comfortable, where I have experience.

Nope. I watch the two-year-olds.

I like two-year-olds because they are in love with EVERYTHING. And because they laugh at things that are clearly not funny, but their laughs are so cute that I can't help laughing myself. I like how you point at a picture of a cat, and their immediate response is "Meeee-ow." I like how you can entertain them by taking them on a walk down the hallway, and they think that is the most fun they've ever had. I like that they are mostly potty-trained and I don't have to change any diapers, and I like their moms and dads come and pick them up after church and I can go home to my childless house and take a nap because those kids plumb wear me OUT.

My usual nursery partner wasn't there today, so I had a new woman in the room with me. She usually works with the bed babies, so I think this crew was a little trying for her. Also, I notice that most of the older women prefer the bed babies, maybe because they sleep a lot and don't crawl on things. I personally do not want the bed babies, because I have this recurring nightmare about dropping a baby on its head. (I happen to be naturally clumsy, and through the course of a day I actually do drop a lot of items; someday it could be a baby and I'm just not gonna take that chance).

Today there were only four kids in there, but the busiest time I ever had, there were eleven. ELEVEN TWO-YEAR-OLDS. You should try it.

There was one little boy, Landon, who kept hanging around me (and hanging on me, as two-year-olds do). Caro, the other woman, asked him what his mom's name is. "Mei," he said.

Now, I think this is true: I think his mom's name IS Mei, but trust me, she is not me. But I don't think Caro got this, because whenever she gave Landon something, she'd say, "Go show your mommy!" and I was the only other adult in there. But then Landon WOULD run right over and show me something, which makes me think that kid is going to be THE BEST when he grows up.

One of the little girls, Karson, had a doll that she'd brought from home. I would hide it behind my back, and when she would run around to find it, I'd move it to my side so she couldn't see it. She totally thought that was the BEST GAME EVER, which is, again, why I like this age group. (I should clarify: I like this age group for an hour-and-a-half every six weeks; I DO NOT WANT ONE OF MY OWN).

The other little girl, Madelyn, was an exact replica of my sister Joon. She wanted everything clean and tidy, and she tattled on anybody who made a mess. Seriously. Joon used to do the exact same thing, right up until the day I moved out of the house and she couldn't get me in trouble anymore. That is a long time to live a tattletale, people. It's why I cannot tolerate tattling to this very day.

You can totally tell which kids are church babies; even at age two, they know the right answer for every question.

Example: Caro said to Karson, "When's your birthday?" Karson obviously had no idea what the Crazy Lady was saying, so she went with the safe answer: "Jesus."

I almost adopted her right there.