I Try and Fail at Alcoholism

During the course of this vacation, I had a chance to visit a winery. I've been to a winery before, in Branson, but didn't partake of the wine tasting there.

I've been a good Southern Baptist for most of my life, and as the daughter of a recovered alcoholic and the descendant of a family with a proud tradition of drinking like fish, as well as a super-control freak who hates to make a fool of herself, I haven't been a big drinker. As a matter of fact, I can probably count the number of alcoholic beverages I've had on one hand.

So you can see why it was a GREAT idea for ME to go to a WINERY and to DRINK WINE in PUBLIC with a bunch of STRANGERS around.

It's been about ten years since I've had any wine, and I did not like it then. I thought maybe I'd feel differently this time.

Nope.

Here is what I learned during my journey into Wino Country:

1. Wine smells gross.
Actually, I could apply this to any type of alcohol, from beer to champagne to wine coolers. Even secondhand beer smells gross. Secondhand beer? Well, just think of a poor little naive 18-year-old girl at her first job, at a Piggly Wiggly, in the middle of a very hot and humid southern summer, and picture her face as a sweaty older woman--already three sheets to the wind-- pulls a twenty dollar bill out of her bra to pay for her 24 oz. Michelob. Oh, I could not describe the smell if I had the most comprehensive thesaurus in the world!

2. Wine tastes gross.
Seriously. It made my tongue curl up. It gave my teeth a furry winter coat. It stayed in my taste buds for hours.

3. Wine gives me a hangover.
Okay, I had approximately four sips, but I did indeed wake up with a headache. Maybe the headache was caused by sinuses or tension or stress or extreme fatigue, but I choose to blame it on the alcohol.

4. Wine sticks around.
I PROMISE, I smelled the odor of that winery in my shower this morning. I was washing away the last dregs of it, I guess.

5. Wine makes my eyes all puffy.
Again, this might be due to something else, for example, the high altitude or lack of sleep. But, again, I choose to blame it on the wine. It's just easier that way.

So my trip to the winery was VERY educational, so I guess I accomplished my goal of learning something on my vacation, even if it's not quite historical or literary in nature. Well, there are all types of learning.