Things I Used to Wonder

When I was younger, I used to wonder

if we were all just a giant's dolls, and we were living in his Barbie Universe.

if a monster would get me if I turned my back to the wall.

if I was alive when Adam and Eve were.

if a tomato was an apple that had gone bad.

if Lucy and Ricky had gray skin in real life.

how puppets got around, when they didn't have any legs.

if the ants I stepped on would send their friends in to get revenge.

if I could train myself to pee like a boy.

if the whole world lived in my neighborhood.

how long it would take me to count to one million.

if I was adopted by regular people because the Queen couldn't keep me.

if everyone spoke English.

why everybody else wrote with their right hands.

why my mom and dad closed their door on some nights.

where the stuff in the toilet went.

what it would be like not to live in an apartment.

if I had a twin.

where boats went.

why people thought Mickey was cute, but not other mice.

why I had to do the dishes.

why licking my fingers didn't clean them.

why I couldn't play in the sewer.

how my mom knew what food I liked.

if God lived upstairs.

why I had to take a nap.

what money was.

if I was a fantastic ballet dancer, and I just didn't know it.

why my parents didn't want me to sing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall."

what people did if they didn't go to church.

why my teddy bear Maria didn't have eyes.

how the refrigerator kept stuff cold.

why they decided to name a month after me.