I am Victorious!

Last night I went in to brush my teeth and there was a GIANT BUG in my sink!!

My first item of business was screaming and running out of the bathroom.

Now, there's no man here to be in charge of Squishing Things, and my useless cat finds me amusing when I perform an insect execution. I knew I would have to suck it up and take care of things myself.

History lesson: I have hated insects of all kinds since my infancy, when we lived in a small tenement in Brooklyn, and the King of Cockroaches would perch on the hood of my bassinette every night and stare at me while his minions rushed under my baby blanket and tried to eat me alive.

I went to a science museum one time and there were two plexiglass boxes teeming with cockroaches near the entrance to the exhibits. I almost didn't go into the museum proper because I KNEW that those boxes would crack and break the very moment I stepped near them and then I would be consumed down to my bones.

I remember one summer when my sister Joon and I were home alone and there was a massive spider crawling along the wall. Neither of us wanted to get close enough to kill it, so we sat on the fireplace and threw shoes at it from across the room.

Finally, I went to my parents' house this week and there in front of the door is a huge spider as big as my palm, probably deadly and definitely having eaten her husband already, and I entered through the garage instead.

Present day: Steeling myself to go back into the bathroom, I picked up the closest aerosol can, which happened to be Febreze Air Effects Citrus & Light, and went into the bathroom and Febrezed the crap out of that mother. It was unaffected, except it smelled better, and it began to skitter across the sink bowl, like it was making its way toward my toothbrush.


I turned the water on full force and began to dump it on the bug with my hands. Still it persevered, until finally it lost its footing and fell into the deepest part of the sink.

But it didn't drown; it was still moving!

I turned the hot water faucet to its very hottest and tried to scald the bug to death. It finally went down the drain, and here is where I really started to take action.

I pulled the plug, first of all, and filled the sink up with the hottest of hot water. When the sink was full, I drained the water and began to fill it up again. This time I added a Clorox-based sink cleanser to the hot water. After it soaked for a while, I again drained the sink and let the hot water run for a little while longer.

I think that bug got the message--

There is no insect Welcome Mat at the Flower household.

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