What I Did on My Thirtieth Birthday

Yeah, that's right, I GOT A TATTOO.

I was not drunk.

This is actually my birthday present from my dad. I have wanted a tattoo for a while, but was always scared of the permanence of it. (This fear of commitment spreads to other areas as well: jobs, boyfriends, houses).

Anyway, I decided back in the spring that this would be the perfect way to commemorate my 30 years of making the world a better place, i.e., living.

We went down to the tattoo ... place ("parlor" sounds a little, I don't know, upscale). When I told the artist that I wanted the tattoo on my foot, he said this: "Okay, but that's the most painful place on your body to place a tattoo."

Well. I began to freak out, a little. I have been planning to have this tatt on my foot for months, and was sure I could handle the pain, but ... really? THE most painful place? I didn't know if I liked that description.

I looked through the books of tattoos that had been done at this place, and there were a couple of foot tattoos. "What about this one? How much pain are we talking about? Were there screams? Tears? Threats of violence?" I asked.

I was a little reassured, and I was like, "Look, I want it on my foot. Don't ask me any more questions; I am one second away from being talked out of this."

He did ask me one more question: "Are you 18?" Which: HEE!!!

So I got the tattoo, and it didn't hurt too badly. Oh, it hurt, but I didn't cry. It felt like having the tip of a knife digging into my foot. I didn't jerk my foot or in general make a fool of myself, and I am very proud of that.

I designed this tattoo myself and I will tell you what it means:

See, for a long time I have been afraid of the dark. There are many reasons for this, and there are times when I am more scared than others, but I particularly remember a time when I was 15-16 years old, and I would wake up in the middle of the night and listen for my family's breathing. I was sure that they would all be raptured out to Heaven while I was left to die and go to Hell. That was a very dark period, both literally and figuratively. The Christmas I was 16, I asked Jesus to be my Savior, and darkness was not so frightening to me. I took for my life verse John 10:28, which says that no one can snatch me out of Christ's hand, basically that I am safe with Him. And that is why I have a sun (to represent light) and the word "safe" (which, duh).

It looks fabulous on my foot, and I am not afraid of its permanence.

Maybe when I turned thirty I crossed over into Bizarro-World. Next thing you know, I will be buying a house and signing a two-year cell phone contract.

Ewwwwwww ... I just threw up a little. Bizarro-World must not be so bizarre after all.